born to be an artist, forced to be an observer

when the desire to look cool for having certain hobbies becomes more important than actually cultivating those very passions

I have no issue with a bit of tasteful performance art in everyday life. Finding glamour in the mundane is crucial, as it helps us lean towards finding gratitude. Overdressing to go run errands for instance, simply because I can, is one of my favourite forms of expressing gratitude. If I’m fortunate enough to have a lovely closet abundant of clothing and be able to leave the house on my own, then I shall make the most of it. Small gestures like this, to me, are a type of art. Unfortunately, we have definitely spiralled a bit out of hand, no longer balancing our love of romanticism with what is real. Instead of working towards our creative dreams, enrolling in classes with regard to our hobbies, or even something as ordinary as spending time in nature, we perform all of these activities living in our heads rather than our bodies. Generally, when we execute these behaviours, chances are that we’re too encapsulated in how we look doing it, and whether it can be aestheticized for social media, opposed to being attentive and enjoying the present moment.

Take this platform, for instance. While I adore Substack and it’s ability to be an insightful space for intellectuals alike to express themselves in a way that is considered undesirable on other apps, the amount of content relating to idiotic terms such as “thought daughter”, or “literary it-girl” is incredibly insufferable to me. I’m sure I sound quite pessimistic while saying this, as some find humour in these pointless trendy phrases, but I find that they water down the value of possessing the attributes associated with the trends themselves. ‘Thought daughter’ is a term that was coined on TikTok within the last few months. I’m unsure as to who even birthed the expression to begin with. This concept is associated with young girls who tend to have an affinity towards philosophy, literature, writing, and overthinking. A large emphasis is placed on the overthinking aspect. There have been instances where I’ve posted excerpts out of my journal that I’m proud of on my TikTok, that have been met by an array of comments using this very term. While the nature of the comments is obviously not unkind, I do find the phrase itself to be annoying because it is overused in a way that makes intelligent women with wonderful minds sound unintelligent. People have always been perceptive. People have always loved to write and express themselves. People have always suffered from anxieties caused by their tendency to over-analyze. This isn’t a new experience, however it seems that people are using this phrase as a way to individualize themselves for something that is extremely unoriginal, as it’s nothing more than an experience derivative of human nature. 

Let’s circle back to the literary it-girl phrase I mentioned above. The whole ‘it-girl’ trend that has been tossed around social media for what feels like decades (yes, I am aware the term itself is decades old), is also something I have a bone to pick with. Why are we picking select women and appointing them to be ‘it-girls’ for doing things that thousands, if not millions, of women do? There’s this desire we have to be special, to constantly be the best, to always outdo ourselves, that this term is very reminiscent of. A prime example of a ‘literary it-girl’ is Joan Didion. Not only is her writing style addictive to read and unique in particular respects, but she managed to simultaneously embody a cool essence while being a master in her craft. She appeared to be a well-rounded, beautiful, fashionable, and honest woman. Many qualities us women strive to achieve, without realizing that we already are most of these things. Anyway, being a literary it-girl entails that you are a successful woman who works in literature, preferably an author or some form of writer. The most successful woman in this field, might I add. Once again, here’s this desire to be known as a novel individual, for doing things that have been done many times before.

We care so much to impress based on appearances, that we don’t actually focus on what matters. “Thought daughters” and “literary it-girls” barely even use these terms within the context of promoting their own work. Half of the time, they’re used in attempt to place themselves in a certain box driven purely by visuals and aesthetics. To be considered a “thought daughter”, you actually have to think about things in depth. Filming TikToks of yourself listening to Lana del Rey and reading Sylvia Plath does not make you insightful. Having original ideas and sharing them makes you insightful. I love the works of both Lana del Rey and Sylvia Plath, but I am sick of the performative quality exuded by those who interact with their art and consider themselves ‘thought daughters’. It’s okay to enjoy things, but when the appearance of liking a type of creative work becomes more important than appreciating the actual art itself, there’s a serious problem. To be a “literary it-girl” you must write first and foremost, and attempt to publish your work. Filming a TikTok while smoking a cigarette on a balcony, drinking red wine and writing in your journal does not make you a literary it-girl. It is more than okay to enjoy doing this, but when the desire to look like a cool writer overrides your desire to write and share your work, there’s once again, an alarming issue. 

We focus so much on ourselves, and on romanticizing our every little behaviour, that we as people have become the actual art projects. There’s less of an emphasis placed on the literal process of creating art or indulging in our passions, and instead our focus is diverted towards how we look while doing it. As a culture we have grown ridiculously unable to observe ourselves in a way that is actually humanistic, separate from our curated internet identities. These flawed perceptions still remain even when our devices are powered off. They carry themselves into the real world; in our business formalities, physical interactions with others, etc. 

We have become self obsessed, appearance driven observers. Observing is natural in certain contexts, like people watching. It’s a common thing that people do, and often there’s nothing impure about it, rather it is a natural product of our humanly curiosities. However, our tendency to be observers has increased because we are now both the observers and the observed. We watch and analyze ourselves the most. If we place others under a microscope, it’s usually so we can take inspiration from them to further expand our own brands. The internet and constant recycling of trends old and new, has made us become extremely conceited. We do things, not for personal pleasure, but for egotistical purposes. From feeling, communicating, and playing, we have transitioned to watching, imagining, and desiring.  

Romanticizing your interests and behaviours is not a crime by any means. I do it myself, as I stated earlier. It’s okay to be liberated in your sense of self, knowing what you like, and finding beauty in those things. But becoming more interested in how you look while indulging in a certain hobby or passion is what specifically bothers me. The art is what matters, not how the artist looks while making the art or consuming other people’s art. Artists and creatives are meant to find enrichment and stimulation in the world around them. This is what inspires them to create. Being trapped in the head, feeling alienated from the body, is not a healthy ingredient for creativity. Focusing all of our mental energy on trying to look cool is not what matters if it stifles our ability to create and find meaning in the world around us.

We were never meant to analyze ourselves this greatly or frequently. Unfortunately, everything we do has to be beautiful enough not only for those who observe us on social media, but for the (non-sexual) voyeur that exists inside of us. At the end of the day, the coolest artists are always the ones who focus more on creating meaningful art and doing what makes them happy, rather than looking cool for social media.